It's been a long while since I last updated my blog. To my fans, if there are any, and I know there isn't, still, I'm sorry. Haha. I just couldn't bring myself to type all these words inside my head. It may be because I'm too lazy or I'm too afraid to write it down because I know the truth will come out. The truth about how I feel about every single thing in my life.
Most of you would say, what do I care? but then again, this is my blog so I can write whatever melodramatic, insensitive message I want to share with the world. But I wouldn't do that. I guess. Lol. I don't know. I'm never good with words and i'm never good with writing. Ironically, I'm writing this blog right now.
To my dear Povedans, I don't know what you see in me. I'm not the very least you think about me. I'm lazy and I'm stubborn. I'm a control freak and I'm masungit and mean raw. Whenever I go to school, I have mixed feelings on whether I'm betraying you guys or not. But before you speculate something, I would just like to say thank you. (This is becoming more of a speech Lol) I never thought I'd meet a bunch of people believing in me. Every time I sleep and every time I wake up, I thank God for a bunch of people like you! I promise this. I'm happy I met you pips. And, i'm not only referring to one person! which some of you may think I do. Lol.
With regards to that person. I know you've heard a lot of rumors and gossips and maybe you even saw us together. I would just like to point out that if there's something between us, it will only stay that way. What I mean is, what you are seeing right now, it's as far as it's going to get.
After writing this, I realized I blame other people for what I feel. I blame other people for making me think like this and that. But now I realized, it was me all along. I cannot control other people. What they say, what they do to me, it's just their natural way of reacting to things. And as for me, I should be able to understand this. All that I'm feeling, all that I've been thinking, is how I react on certain things and I should not blame any one kung ganon nararamdaman ko. I don't know if you get my point. Blurred kasi ako.
I always say, "I've been through worse." which I really think is true. The emotional and physical roller coaster during High school really took a toll on me. But then again, as a college student, I can't seem to compare these problems to my problems in the past. Even though "I've been through worse", certain problems still weigh me down. I do still feel like my world's gonna end. It's just me. I panic, I worry a lot, I cry, I get melodramatic, but that's just me. It's just my way of coping.
I think I didn't made sense with this post. Someday, I would like to try writing about current issues or something that you (my non existing fans) would have something to learn about. Pero I really hope you're learning something about life. I'm trying to be positive here. Lol.
One last thing I would like to share,
"There are people who enter your life to make you happy for just a little while, but they are not meant to stay and they are not meant to make you happy forever."
This is my biggest realization so far. People do just come and go. People will leave you behind. You should not be bitter about this or be sad. Instead, you should be thankful, for that "little while" they made you happy. In this coming second year, I know things will be really different. I might transfer or I might be some place else. But you see, it's part of life. Change is nature. We must deal with this. We must not be afraid.
We must have no limits.
Let's pretend this is a fairy tale, and end this with a song! This song btw is totally unrelated but I like hearing this song anyway and I hope it will also make you happy, just like me whenever I load this on youtube. :)
Hold still right before we crash 'cause we both know how this ends
Our clock ticks till it breaks your glass, and I drown in you again.
