Hi, it's me again.
I know you must be sick of how hopeless romantic I can be. I know I've already sent you a dozen messages, some of which are overly dramatic and some were just plain nonsense. I just think that my feelings never came across. If that's the case though, why am I still writing this? I just don't know.
I can't stop. Stop thinking about you. Stop seeing you in places. Stop believing that we still have what we used to have.
The day I met you, I started believing in fate and destiny. But the day I lost you, I also lost faith in destiny. I knew you were everybody's. A person who belongs to everyone. A free- spirited, funny and amazing guy. A person who everyone wants to hang out with.
Upon reading that maybe you just smirked a little right now.
At first I didn't want to be involved with you. I just didn't want to become a suffix to your name.
But everyday seemed like a cycle of denial and acceptance. It really didn't help me sleep at night you know. Well maybe because you were also a paradox yourself. I just couldn't understand you.
You were complicated, irrational at times and conceited, but I liked you anyway.
Sorry for our petty fights. I was guarding my heart you see. I was guarding my already bruised ego and saving the last ounce of my dignity.
I felt everything was one-sided though. Maybe i was delusional for thinking I was special.
I just wanted to be your redemption because you were mine.
I know you never loved me, and I will always ask the heavens if you ever even liked me.
In my heart, I will always remember you in the cold morning where I always prayed for us.
I will always remember your silhouette when the sun sets by the bay.
I will remember your perfect face illuminated by the city lights when we first went home together.
How fondly and loving you spoke of the important people in your life.
How your eyes burned with passion when you tell me about the things you love and like.
Let me remember the day I first saw you behind that huge heavy door two Christmases ago. The day you told me it's okay if it's me, the night you called because it was my birthday, let me keep it. Let me keep those memories.
In turn, remember me not for the times I fought you, ignored you, and hurt you. Remember me not of all my awkward hi and hello's. Please remember me as the girl who wanted to hug you and melt all your fears away that night at the top of the ferris wheel. The girl who would always admire you from afar.
Maybe we don't really need to find reason and meaning with what happen to us.
Because if we did, we would always be just searching when the answer is just right in front of us.
Just give me a little more time. To drown in my tears a little more, to a few more sleepless nights, in my desperate attempts to relive our moments.
And finally, to end my dreams of us.
You were never a nightmare, you were just a sad, painful dream.
Till then,
Patch
