When days
seem to pass very quickly, when the day quickly turns into night, I have hope
in my heart that this pain would leave without me noticing it. That somewhere
along the days of the year, I could easily forget about you and just move on.
But in
between the idle moments and the dull minutes of my every day busy life, I just
can’t forget about you.
How you made
me feel, how you cared in little ways. Your smile that is practically embedded
in my memory. Don’t you ever feel that it goes unappreciated because it always
was.
All the
little things, I would forever keep them in my heart. And as I say goodbye, I
won’t say goodbye of our memories. As few as they are, they are my gems.
Those
unexpected meetings, they weren't a coincidence.
And us
meeting would never be a coincidence. Because for the first time in my life, I
believed that two people were actually meant to meet each other. But was just
not really meant to be together.
I’m crying
as I type this. I’m crying for our almost. And I’m crying for all the what ifs.
Before I was
doubtful if I ever did love you but after seeing you so happy even without me,
I realized, I do love you. After a long time, I've put someone’s happiness over
my own.
Love is a
decision.
And I’ve
decided to let you go because it was already too poisonous for us.
Our
relationship is just a big question mark from the start; I’m finally putting a
conclusion to it.
I know some
point in my life, I’d regret it. And maybe I do now, but what else do I have to
do?
When loving
you was all I did.
But you
never loved me back. Even if you did, you never said it to me.
Every day, I
battle with pain, love and anger in my heart. There are some days that pain
wins and I crawl back to our comfortable but unnamed relationship. When anger
wins, my ego and pride rises through. But when loves wins, I can forgive you
and us.
I love you and
I hate that I have to go through this phase again where it’s not okay. Every
day is not okay.
I love you
and I’m not okay. Because it hurts to see you, it hurts to say your name, it
hurts to remember you in everything. It hurts to be alone again and again and
again.
When I
thought I've already been through it before, I never knew there are different
kinds of pain. And this pain I’m feeling, I know there would be a lot more days
that I have to endure this.
It gets
harder each passing night.
But I’ll learn
to stop loving you, soon.
XXXXXX
