How one year can change everything

It blew my mind when I saw that my last blog post was actually February 14th of last year. I am amazed at how things seem depressing back then and how I've learned to love myself overtime.

Last year, I was not able to move on from a certain guy I caught feelings of love for. It was a short-lived, adrenaline-high relationship. We weren't the perfect couple; in fact we weren't really a couple. We acted like it in some way. We talked almost everyday. We knew each other's schedules and favorite time of the day. We knew almost every detail of each other's lives except for one thing: we didn't know what each other felt.

Looking back, I am thankful for what happened. I am thankful for surviving through numerous heartbreaks and seeing my love life in a different perspective. Before, I relied too much on others' approval. I was scared to death with people's opinions and judgments of me. I believe this hindered my growth and my potentials as a person. Whenever I feel immediate gratification from people who give me love, I cling on to it and it becomes the focus of my life. It was a phase I believe every teenager has to go through. It was making love their number one priority.

However the question is, what if you're really not meant to find the one for you at this age? I'm speaking as someone who has sacrificed a lot of stupid things for love and that is why I believe it is a stupid decision to prioritize a person above everything else in your life. As one, it can destroy you if they walk away and two, it distracts you from the real blessings life has to offer. Throughout high school, I was so in love with the idea of love. I was craving for it, and hopelessly aiming for it. I was cured from the love sick puppy dog disease until Junior year of college. It all became clear to me how silly I have become because I was too desperate to have someone in my life.

You may have asked yourself a dozen times, why don't boys notice me? And if you're bitter, why do boys like shallow, air-headed girls (I'm sorry for the term)? It's the usual motivation of every teenage girl in wearing more tight clothes, perfecting that eyebrow arch, and starving themselves to death. While it's normal to make yourself pretty for the opposite sex; believe me, it's toxic.

That is why I am here to tell you, in all honesty, and without pretensions, that you'll come across a person who wouldn't mind if your hair is a mess, if you're out of shape and exercise, and you look like a hobo. There would be a person who would appreciate you for your intelligence, hobbies, sports, personality and everything about you. Sometimes, you do not even need to make an effort in becoming interesting. You're natural charm and wit will attract them closer to you.

You do not need to pretend who you are because that's tiring. You do not have to compromise your values such as virginity and your stand against vices because you'll lose yourself along the way. Stick to who you are. Stick to what you're interested in. 

It took me a long time to understand this. I've always been a person who adapted the hobbies of the person very close to me which lead me to question who I really am and what do I really want in life. When I was able to do what I wanted to, I was able to fill the void I was feeling when I was finding a boyfriend.

The answer was me all along. The answer was fulfilling my heart's desire in becoming the best version of myself. To date, I can list all of my achievements that made me successful but it's not achievement recognized by my external environment. These are achievements I have set for myself and goals I have yet to recognize. One by one, as I tick the things I have achieved, I am overwhelmed by how far I've already gone.

You can do a lot of things in a year but my advice is, make your happiness your priority and everything else will follow.  


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