Time check: 3:55 am

I have no topic in mind as I write this post. Maybe you'll get to witness once again how random I am especially at 3 (almost 4) am in the morning.

I'm not really sleepy at all which is a very big surprise. It kind of makes me guilty since I should use the energy (I don't know where it's coming from) to study for my midterms in Lit.

But somehow (here it goes) I'm not really motivated to do anything. Or to study for that matter.
I've got this moods that no matter how much I try to motivate myself. It's just not working. Okay.

But I really really hate myself for this. Because it's an opportunity that's lost for the future.
I don't know if it's the lack of inspiration but I've never been that type either.

I guess it's really just one of those moods.

I'd like to share you a dream of mine a few nights before.

It was of a boy, a freakishly thin and tall boy.
In my dream I fell in love with him. We were textmates (very modern right?)
But he was sick.

And it was his last day on earth.
And yes, he chose to spend it with me.
That is why that dream is so memorable.

I woke up feeling elated. I was still really blushing until the afternoon.

I don't know why, but my dreams are always so vivid.
I get the feeling that I'm the next prophet or something. Lol.
But.. really, I wish to see this person.

It's sad, because my dream ended when I asked him, "Do you have to go?"
He was not my type at all. Although a slightest hint showed he loved anime which is yes, a good thing.

But then again, he was so tall for me and so thin.
His sickness is that his body refuses to accept anything that he eats.
It's sad right? And what's so sweet is that in my dream.

We didn't care about any of those. What mattered was the two of us, together, on his last day.

I guess I just miss the feeling of being in love.
Or maybe I'm in love with love.

I don't know if it's bad though? Because it's what I feel. And maybe I'm entitled to what I'm feeling.

I'm only human after all.
If I feel lazy, I'd be lazy. If  I feel sad, I'll feel sad. I don't have to force myself.
Because this is how I live my life. And this how I will learn.

But I know now what should I do, I should just go to sleep.
Then again, maybe not.

I spend too much time on unnecessary things. I'm afraid guilt is consuming me.
I can't cope with leisure time after all.

But I know this is bad. It's bad to be a worry-wart.
No matter what I do, I can't really make a resolve.

So help me God.

I really need to take things slow and reflect.
Too much has been going on at home, and at school.

Maybe all of this is just a facade and I mistook it for something deeper, some psychological problem or something.
But I'm not the type to get pulled down by this.

I must reincarnate.
(I love Phoenix's btw)

I guess I'm the only one awake at this hour.
Wake me up when August ends.

No, I'm just kidding.
I just hope I do great in my Lit exam.
Which I can tell you honestly that I think I have studied but only thought that I have studied but I did not study at all.

But I really did study. Haha.

Good night.

XXXXXX