The night everything ends.

I thank God I finally have the time to update this once again. Lol. Getting really lazy updating since I'm really (and I mean really) a frustrated writer. Whatever I am going to write though is a vague expression of my feelings. But I'll try to be as honest and as transparent but I really can't write my thoughts clearly so bear with me. (Also when I do my posts, I don't really care about grammar, punctuation, etc. curse you Grammar Naziss!! just kidding LOL)

Anyway, my title surely caught your attention. It is true. When I decide that I will stop, I "usually" do. Hopefully now though, I have made my firm resolve to just stop with all these non sense. Okay, that was harsh. Let's not call it non sense. I prefer "shannanigans" Lol. 

I am a girl (I mean woman!! I turned 18 a few days ago) who has been through a lot (and I mean A LOT) of painful experiences with relationships. After all that has happened, I never stopped having hope that one day, prince charming will sweep me off of my feet. I've learned that not all men are the same, and getting bitter about them won't help you AT ALL. There are good ones but there are A LOT of bad ones. There are people you like but don't like you and vice versa.

What I don't get is, I don't know why I stumble through the wrong people always. I don't know why my timing in their lives is always not the right time. Most of all, I hate it ( really really HATE) when I let my guard down and do it for the wrong people. I hate it when I question my self-esteem. "Am I really confident with who I am and what I look like?" But after years of trying to master loving myself, I think I have reached the point that I do. I do love myself and this is the night where questioning everything I believe in ends.

Because tonight, I won't bother if I am too small or too big for anyone. Tonight I am the Goddess, I am lovable and I am capable of being loved. Tonight, I will not change any thing about me for anyone. Tonight, I won't chase after people who would even think twice of chasing after me. Tonight God loves me and in God's eyes I am perfect. And this will go on every night. Every night I will promise myself that I would think of this and I won't abase myself. I would not dare to think that I am not enough because I am enough. And anyone who thinks that I am not worth it or I am not enough can talk to my hand! I respect myself so much and I won't go back to the horrific days that I didn't.

I am so tired. We, women, are so tired being the slaves of a player's mind. Tired of waiting. Tired of contemplating. Most of all, tired of getting hurt. This is the night everything ends. I can move on. It may take a while but I'm done with the guessing game. 

"When a guy really loves a woman, she doesn't have to plead with him to commit. He'd commit to her if she lived on the moon." -How to find your soulmate without losing your soul

On a lighter note, I'd like to tell all of the people who's feeling the same way I do that God can really heal anything. One moment you're sad but when you pray, God will embrace you with his burning love. When all else fails, God's love won't.

So hey pretty girl, don't get tired of waiting for Prince Charming, he will come! Just make sure you're ready too. :)


XXXXXX